Brian
Love At First AAAAA CLAIRE HAS A BF is the first episode of Brian & Claire: Volleylove. In the summer of 2020, the three friends: Crim, Claire and Tom are reunited in a beautiful summer where Claire ends up meeting her baby, Brian. Episode PART ONE My name is Claire Ashbrook... And this is how I got my pussy popped. SUMMER OF 2020. I had just finished my first year of college. It was OK... I mean that English teacher was fucking hot. Anyways, I had just returned to my former house. That's where I was going to spend my summer. Also my friends were going to live there also because they're broke and their houses got destroyed because... I destroyed them when I was a demon but that doesn't matter now. What mattered was... I was single, and ready to stay at home and not mingle. Although my friends were always trying to convince me otherwise... CRIM: CLAIRE POP THAT PUSSY BITCH TOM: your not living until you slurp the top CRIM: ikr CLAIRE: guys im just not prepared CRIM: COME ON BITCH DONT STRESS IT Anyways. I was back at my home. My mom came out running like a chicken. FLORA: CLAIRE AH DIOS MIO I THOUGHT THE DEVIL MIGHT HAVE CURSED U AGN CLAIRE: He didn't mom. I'm fine. I noticed my little brother, MDOSIEW, standing at the door, giving me a suspicious look, like the little fucker was about to shoot up a school or something. Yep, he was adopted. And yes, you noticed. His name is MDOSIEW. We adopted him from somewhere. IDK where tho. And I don't care. It was probably some shit country where only idiots live. I know my mom knows the language because she's always speaking that language to him to shut him up. MDOSIEW: wow Claire finally ur back bitch CLAIRE: hi MDOSIEW MDOSIEW: HEY THATS NOT MY NAME. Ive decided to call myself Shay Van Buren. CLAIRE: tf kind of name is that FLORA: MDOSIEW, PARA COM ESSA MERDA CARALHO. Anyways baby doll... My mom started to give me that look. You know, '''THAT' look.'' FLORA'' (speaking in gibberish)'': Hai leccato un cazzo di qualcuno? CLAIRE: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM I ALREADY TOLD YOU IM SAVING MYSELF FOR JESUS That was a lie. I already fucked my Music Teacher and my ex-boyfriend... Spongebob. Not the cartoon, he was just named Spongebob because of the cartoon. His dick was small. Anyways... Suddenly, Crim arrived at her convertible, with Tom. TOM & CRIM: YAS CLAIRE BITCH HIIIII We three gave a big hug. We haven't seen each other in like... A week. So yeah it was a pretty big deal. CLAIRE: omg guys yay TOM: YES I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO-- CLAIRE: Suck a dick? Yeah no bitch just get in Little did I know... That was going to be the beginning of the hottest summer ever. '' ''Seriously the weather was super hot I couldn't even function. Crim and Tom ran up to my bedroom. You'd think my mom had cleaned it up but it still had custom posters of Dana Ashbrook's photoshopped nudes. CRIM: um i dont know what needs a better makeover, this room or you TOM: true, we need to make you look good so YOU CAN FUCK CLAIRE: guys we talk about this all the time... I'm not ready yet... TOM: look girl, we know your ex bf Spongebob fucked you up and I know it's tough when you have to move on from a relationship or when you accidentally kill the guy who gave you that good BBC *COUGH* ''CHUCK CLAYTON *COUGH*'' CRIM: But are you really going to let SPONGEBOB ruin your whole vacay? Come on bitch it's River Peaks, and there's probably hot guys out there since Tom left everyone's suddenly turning str8 again TOM: well not for much longer CRIM: Tom I swear to Nikki Grahame you pull off that shit CRIM: im bored and I wanna fuck some eye candy CLAIRE: i really dont know TOM: Id figure you would say that CRIM: Srsly Tom were doing this TOM: lock the doors so she cant get out CLAIRE: umm wtf are you people trying to pull off TOM: this all reminds me of totally spies tbh CLAIRE: ...how? TOM: were three hot strong women that dont need no men but we still should wear latex catsuits CRIM: accurate TOM: SPEAKING OF TOTALLY SPIES Tom and Crim break into a musical number... HERE'S THEIR BEAUTIFUL MUSICAL NUMBER CLAIRE: K are you two done yet? TOM: No, we forgot my ver-- CRIM: tom. dont. this has been torturous enough. TOM: fine. But I'll be prepared when you need me to break out into song CLAIRE: we will be in touch TOM: k CRIM: The point is, Claire, you can't hide in those basic clothes forever TOM: yeah you gotta go wild CRIM: You gotta go so wild your nana will want nothing to do with you for the rest of your life CLAIRE: My nana is dead tho CRIM: omg really? TOM: aww, I liked her. She was funny. And fat. And relatable CRIM: true CRIM: Anyways we're going to the beach... Maybe you'll find a hot guy that looks like the baby child of Thomas Doherty and Nate Garner who also loves to play volleyball and will look at your sideboob while you play on his team! 1 hour later... CLAIRE: OMFG CRIM TF HOW DID YOU GUESS THAT Back to the present... Or past. OR WHATEVER YOU GET WHAT I MEAN DONT YOU. TOM: omfg what if that actually happens CRIM: please im just kidding you low iq BRIAN 1 hour later... TOM: crim ur ass is fucking psychic... BRIAN OMFG IT WAS A SIGN ALL ALONG Back to the present... CRIM: Oh what and he'll also tell Claire she's pretty while shes wearing a bikini. In what world... 1 hour later... CLAIRE: HE EVEN TOLD ME I WAS PRETTY WHILE I WAS WEARING A BIKINI HA CRIM WHOS THE BASIC BITCH NOW TOM: literally Claire, Tom and Crim are on the beach. They're laying down in towels. CRIM: i cant fucking believe ur house only had winx themed towels claire wtf CLAIRE: umm theyre baes, especially''' WINX FAN FAVORITE CHARACTER HERE' '''TOM:' same TOM: whatever im going for a swim CRIM: Are you really going to go for a swim because you want to swim or is it because you want to grab the hot lifeguard's attention? CLAIRE: yeah tom... are u a fake? TOM: CHAT SHIT GET BANGED TOM DYLAN Claire and Tom high-five. CRIM: um what CLAIRE: exactly CRIM: accurate Tom goes to the ocean to swim, blowkissing the lifeguard. CLAIRE: how about next time we dont invite tom CRIM: OH SO YOU DONT HAVE MORE COMPETISH SO YOU CAN SUCK SOME D CRIM: hey didnt u like volley tho CLAIRE: yea its the only sport i play why CRIM: those fucking whores are all playing volley Claire looks at boys playing volley. She takes one good look at each of them... But only one catches her eye. He was fucking hot AF. Wait why am I thinking of myself in the 3rd person... lmao same SO I saw him... My future love. Brian. Something. CRIM: omg claire OMG CLAIRE CLAIRE: huh what CRIM: YOUR DROOLING FOR THAT GUY CLAIRE: bish wat no i wasnt im jesus saving myself for... CRIM: OH we ARE SO playing volley with them CLAIRE: but the teams are complete CLAIRE: what would be the chances that two of the members of his team coincidentally got hurt Two fuckboys trip over something and get hurt. CRIM: IM SHOOKETH CLAIRE: i... And so it began... The volley game that would change my life. PART TWO After two irrelevant cunts got hurt in the volleyball game, Crim instantly got up and forced me to go along with her. We went up to the guys who were playing volley. LINK: Hmmm... very strange indeed that Nagito out of nowhere tripped like that... I mean, not weird that Mikan tripped but-- MIKAN: STOP LOOKING AT MY ANUS PLEASE FORGIVE ME NAGITO: Ugh... I guess it's only fair scum like me have to leave the ga-- Out of nowhere an airplane crashes on top of Nagito. GUNDHAM: Ok well-- LINK: not to be rude gudnham GUNDHAM: DONT MISSPELL THE LORD OF DARKNESS' NAME HIMSELF, GUNDHAM TANAKA BRIAN: look gundham, please dont make a scene GUNDHAM: fine CRIM: hey boys Crim got up close to me. CRIM'' (whispering)'': now its time for sexy posing Crim starts randomly posing various poses, and I followed her. The hottest guy there -- a black haired hottie with Lil Ultimate Abs -- started looking at me as I blush. CLAIRE'' (whispering)'': Is this really neccessary, I mean were just tryna play volley right? CRIM'' (whispering)'': No, we're trying to get fucked u stupid bitch ???: Crimmy Goyxe? After hearing that name, Crim collapses to the ground, only to see Reg and Roger standing in front of her. CRIM: that was just a fucking pha-- Wait, Reg? Roger? You guys still live here? CLAIRE: Crim, should I continue posing? CRIM: no shush Crim keeps talking to Reg and Roger. Classic her. Anyways, I go up to the guys. The cute guy was still staring at me and I just wanted to suck that coc---'' '''LINK:' What's your name little darling? CLAIRE: Oh um... I'm Claire Ashbrook, and I noticed that you need two more players and volleyball is my favorite sport--- BRIAN: Really? Volley's my favorite sport too... I'm Brian. He gazed at me with his perfect blue eyes. He was so hot I just wanted to get fucked all night long by that bitch. Suddenly, Tom arrived. CLAIRE: no luck with the bodyguard I see? TOM: he was ugly anyways whatever tf are we doing here GUNDHAM: '''And who is this fiend of yours? '''TOM: Tom Dylan.... And youre fucking hot whats ur name? GUNDHAM: Um... I'm... Gundham grabs his scarf and hides his cheeks so no one can see him blushin'. GUNDHAM: I'm Gundham Tanaka. Lord of Darkness. NOW GO AWAY YOU FIEND, DONT GET CLOSE TO ME, MY BODY IS FILLED WITH POISON TOM: hmm, i like a dangerous man CLAIRE: i thought ur type was straight hoes TOM: fuck that shit Suddenly Gundham's Four Dark Devas of Destruction show up. LINK: You seriously brought your hamsters to the beach? GUNDHAM: DO NOT SPEAK OF MY FOUR DARK DEVAS OF DESTRUCTION THAT WAY... Hamsters are just their temporary form. LINK: tf is that supposed to mean TOM: You stupid bitch, it means theyre like cute ancient dangerous fellas who once they die will be revived as beautiful demons... GUNDHAM: Close. Pretty, pretty close. TOM: Oh I love to get close. GUNDHAM: Well you can't. I'm filled with poison. While Tom was flirting with Gundham, and Crim was flirting with both Reg and Roger... There I was... Alone. And all I could think about was that big fat co--'' '''BRIAN:' Yo... So what's your story? CLAIRE: Hmm? BRIAN: Well, I'd like to know the story of this beautiful girl who's standing in front of me I blushed instantly. CLAIRE: Well... I'm Claire Ashbrook... And I grew up here in River Peaks... BRIAN: Oh, you grew up in here? Well I have to say, it's a pretty good-looking small town-- CLAIRE: You fucking liar, this place is fucking trash BRIAN: Oh, um... CLAIRE: lmao I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me... It's just that I'm really not fond of this place. BRIAN: Oh how come? CLAIRE: It's a little... Annoying. And shitty. And everyone here is practically a meme. BRIAN: Well, I'm just staying here for the summer. OMG HE'S STAYING HERE YAS YAS YAS YAS YAS BRIAN: Well... Hopefully I'll see ya around? CLAIRE: Oh you definetly will BRIAN: Thank god... LINK: ugh can you people not with the chatting I just wanna play some volley BRIAN: hey dude while you wait for a girlfriend put some more hairspray into that hair LINK: hey fuck you Brian and Link both laugh. I don't get it either. LINK: No but seriously, you people are gonna play right? TOM: what are we even playing? LINK: Volley...? TOM: oh BRIAN: Anyways, Claire can stay in my team and Crim will stay in Reg's team CRIM'' (to Reg)'': Wait, you're playing too? REG: ofc ROGER: And so am I REG: Good for you Roger ROGER: You're just mad because I got better volley skills than you TOM: well I suck at sports in general so I can be the beach volley cheerleader LINK: tf is that even a thing TOM: Um, when were you born? In the 60s, get a grip bitch LINK: Well... um... ANYWAYS, VOLLEY Cue volley montage sequence. Reg's team wins one point versus Brian's team because Gundham was distracted by Tom's twerking. But I was in Brian's team and I started giving the team wins. And in the end, Brian made the final point '''THE END' ''The game finished by sunset. The guys were preparing to leave. BRIAN: So... I'm counting on seeing you again. CLAIRE: Oh, trust me, you will. BRIAN: Well, here's my phone number. Call me. CLAIRE: Oh, um, I will. Everyone said their goodbyes, and then it was just me, Crim and Tom. CRIM: omg this felt like high school for a bit TOM: yeah but not like that shitty part of high school with the demons and shit CLAIRE: yeah... the good part of high school where everything was happy and we getting them pussies popped TOM: So... How did it go with Thomas Doherty over there? CLAIRE: It was... It was something I haven't felt for a long time. CRIM: omg yes we did it TOM: I told you, with a musical number everything gets going The three of us sat there until it was dark. We talked about everything that had happened because we weren't in the same college, at least not until two years later but we'll get to that when we get to that... I just felt something good. Like finally, I was able to push all of my troubles aside and just enjoy summer with my amazing besties, this hot guy and my family. Little did I know... I was wrong.Category:Brian & Claire: Volleylove Episodes